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Location: St. Louis, Missouri, United States

Monday, June 25, 2012

Bio-Degradable for Barack

Jack Kemp When the Obama campaign sent out requests for people to give money to his re-election efforts instead to wedding celebrants it touched off a string of speculative writing saying that the Obama campaign may soon asked to be named as the beneficiary of people’s wills, completing the phrase “the bride at every wedding, the corpse at every funeral.” For those who recall former sensational press stories worthy of a La Comedie Francaise farce, you may remember that in 1982 Alfred Bloomingdale, the heir to the department store fortune, died at age 66 after being discovered to have had a 12 year affair with a mistress that began when she was only 18 years old. I recall a woman I worked with at that time who would joke that the young mistress must have (honestly) told her friends when she went to tryst with Alfred that “she was going to Bloomingdale’s!” Alfred’s wife Betsy got some degree of revenge when she arranged for a funeral home to bury Mr. Bloomingdale in the cheapest type of coffin available, one made of a “strong” cardboard, perhaps with a wood grain design paper covering. These low cost products are still sold in the U.S., but now they are pitched as “environmentally friendly” and “perfect for green burial.” This makes the situation perfect for a new Obama campaign letter. I can see it now… BIO-DEGRADABLE FOR BARACK Fellow Democrats, Why spend a fortune on a tin lined, burnished oak casket with brass handles for the departed? You can Save the Earth as you Save the Obama Campaign from underfunding by having your loved ones buried in a bio-degradable cardboard casket – and give the difference in coffin costs as a donation to keep Barack and Michelle Obama in the White House. Sure, Michelle and her entourage will be flying off to the London Olympics this October, but that will be paid for by Rich Republican tax collections, so that is not your concern. And this way, your newly departed can show their love for both Barack and Mother Earth at the same time. We’re sure they’d appreciate the gesture as much as Barack Obama does. Why he might even reciprocate one day by writing you into his will, but you have to make the first move before this November. END OF LETTER Maybe the Obama campaign can arrange for Anna Wintour or Sarah Jessica Parker to come to a loved one’s funeral? But I shouldn’t be giving their campaign any more ideas.

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