A Peck of Weiners

Timothy Birdnow

Anthony Weiner's dog and pony scandal have set me to reminiscing. Remember these?

I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Weiner
That is what I'd truly like to be
cause if i were an oscar mayer weiner
everyone would be in love
oh everyone would be in love
everyone would be in love with me

Now, that surely fits with the Congressional flasher from New York! There was even an Oscar Mayer wiener mobile, and a whistle shaped like the wiener mobile!

But there was another song, which I can't find on the internet but have reconstructed from dim memory.The official hot dog sold at Bush Stadium in St. Louis was Hunter brand, a product of the John Morrell company. They had a local television add that featured a song that went somewhat like this:

What does a wiener hunter hunt for? Only Hunter Wieners
What does a baseball player bunt for? Only Hunter Wieners
And what does a wie - ner hunt - er hunt for? Only Hunter Wieners

A wiener hunter's eyes grow round, his feet begin to run
until he has a Hunter Wiener TRAPPED within a bun

repeat refrain

I think there were more lyrics, but cannot remember them. Neither could the internet; nary a single hit for the song.

The add featured a cartoon boy whose eyes become huge and his feet invisible as he ran. It was a cute image from the 1970's.

Or how about the Armour song?

HOT DOGS, Ar-mour HOT DOGS
What kind of kids love Ar-mour HOT DOGS?
Big kids, lit-tle kids, kids who climb on rocks
fat kids, skin-ny kids, ev-en kids with chicken pox
love HOT DOGS, Ar-mour HOT DOGS
The dogs kids love to bite!

They don't make 'em like these any more; too bad.

Too bad for the Congressman he didn't stick to all meat wieners on his internet tweets!