Where Do Old Terrorists Go?
Where do old terrorists go, once their usefulness is at an end? Do they move on to more peaceful pursuits, like gardening, needlepoint, or helping old ladies cross the street? Do they just fade away?
Recently, the Irish Republican Army turned in their guns for plow-shares, although they seem a bit reluctant to just fade into that good night. It`s a bit sad, really; so many terrorists being forced to retire while still in their prime.
The British government, along with donations from Irish-Americans, could establish a retirement home for former Provos, perhaps. Instead of the usual pastimes of shuffleboard and checkers they could plant fake car bombs and plan faux kidnappings. It seems doubtful that this would really satisfy them.
The problem is that these were men of action, and the quiet life just isn`t going to suit them. There is nothing more pathetic than the old, toothless lion dreaming of it`s glory days out on the veldt. Ever meet an old army colonel at a retirement home-dreaming of the past days when he was an important man? It`s sad, and it is a fate which must be avoided.
I offer a modest proposal; why don`t we draft the retiring IRA members into the War on Terror? Think about it-these guys know the all the tricks being used by the mujahadeen, and they aren`t afraid of a scrap. They INVENTED modern terrorism! We should send them to Iraq, and the insurrection would be over in 6 months! We give the sad retirees a new sense of purpose, and those who die will be able to go out the way they would have wished! Meanwhile, we chase the upstart Al-Quada into oblivion; the IRA has been around far longer than any of these Arab terrorists, and they`ll show those towel-headed creeps what a real terrorist organization can do!
I offer this humble idea as an antidote to post-terrorist depression. These unfortunate victims of society must be taken care of. How can we, as a compassionate society, allow these poor souls to wither away in retirement communities, when there is still so much work for them to do?
I say, on to Iraq with them!
Recently, the Irish Republican Army turned in their guns for plow-shares, although they seem a bit reluctant to just fade into that good night. It`s a bit sad, really; so many terrorists being forced to retire while still in their prime.
The British government, along with donations from Irish-Americans, could establish a retirement home for former Provos, perhaps. Instead of the usual pastimes of shuffleboard and checkers they could plant fake car bombs and plan faux kidnappings. It seems doubtful that this would really satisfy them.
The problem is that these were men of action, and the quiet life just isn`t going to suit them. There is nothing more pathetic than the old, toothless lion dreaming of it`s glory days out on the veldt. Ever meet an old army colonel at a retirement home-dreaming of the past days when he was an important man? It`s sad, and it is a fate which must be avoided.
I offer a modest proposal; why don`t we draft the retiring IRA members into the War on Terror? Think about it-these guys know the all the tricks being used by the mujahadeen, and they aren`t afraid of a scrap. They INVENTED modern terrorism! We should send them to Iraq, and the insurrection would be over in 6 months! We give the sad retirees a new sense of purpose, and those who die will be able to go out the way they would have wished! Meanwhile, we chase the upstart Al-Quada into oblivion; the IRA has been around far longer than any of these Arab terrorists, and they`ll show those towel-headed creeps what a real terrorist organization can do!
I offer this humble idea as an antidote to post-terrorist depression. These unfortunate victims of society must be taken care of. How can we, as a compassionate society, allow these poor souls to wither away in retirement communities, when there is still so much work for them to do?
I say, on to Iraq with them!
posted by Timothy Birdnow | 4:57 AM
1 Comments:
I offer a modest proposal; why don`t we draft the retiring IRA members into the War on Terror?
If this would work, I'm in favor of it!
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