A Kick in the Groan

This isn`t anything to pun your hopes on!:


I don't know why puns are so disparaged -- a good pun shows wit, humor,
and a love of the English language. Pun no. 6 reminds me of a joke I
heard: "Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold, please?"

David


1) Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family
were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately
destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
2) A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted,
"Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now,
settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
3) A marine biologist developed a race of genetically
engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady
diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had
to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied tw o lions
asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them.
Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across
sedate lions for
immortal porpoises.
4) A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South
American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who
indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any
case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the
brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like
these, who needs enemas?"
5) Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of
Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already
made the cases for pocket\ watches, decided to market compasses for the
pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches
were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often
ended up in Canada or Mexico rathe r than California. This, of course,
is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
6) A thief broke into the local police station and stole
all the lavatory equipment. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We
have absolutely nothing to go on."
7) An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned
the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a
long, thin strip of elk hide and gave it to the chief, instructing him
to bite off, chew and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a
month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The
chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers
on."
8) A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage
and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on
complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying,
"I must have taken Leif off my census."
9) There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer
skin. One slept on an elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus
skin. All three became pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy.
The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to
prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the
squaws of the other two hides.
10) By the way, I know the guy who wrote these 9 puns. He
entered them and one other in a contest. He figured with 10 entries he
couldn't lose. As they were reading the list of winners he was really
hoping one of his puns would win, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.